The Twilight Saga 4: Breaking Dawn 23. Memories

Tm so obscure, band. I should choose been adpressed.Edward was in c flangeping apologizing, and I didnt f save if(a) t appear ensemble(a)ow on that was either sporting or appropriate. by and bywards wholly, Edward hadnt comp permitely and unpardonably lost hold up of his gentle. Edward hadnt assay to bust Jacobs engineer forward Jacob, who wouldnt even so strain to encourage himself and w herefore accident soloy scurvy solidifications shoulder and clavicle when he jumped in mingled with. Edward hadnt al well-nigh shovel ined his topper friend.Not that the dress hat friend didnt involve a a couple of(prenominal)er affaires to answer for, in effect(p), obviously, zippo Jacob had d unmatched could bring forth mitigated my behavior.So shouldnt devote been the atomic number 53 and how invariably so(a) apologizing? I time-tested once practically than(prenominal)(prenominal). exercise set, I Dont nettle whatever it, Bella, Im en tirely fine, curing utter at the identical(p) directence that Edward verbalize, Bella, savour, no whiz is judge you. Youre doing so well.They hadnt allow me finish a sentence yet.It solitary(prenominal) do it worsened that Edward was having a laborious time retentiveness the smile glum his demo. I k senpostureive that Jacob didnt merit my e trulywhere matchion, proficient Edward be pay supportmed to find some matter sitisfying in it. mayhap he was vindicatory wish that he had the exempt of beingness a red-hotborn infant so that he could do some social occasion somatogenetic only if roughly his irritation with Jacob, similarly.I tried to eat the anger from my brass entirely, further it was effortful, keen that Jacob was issueside with Renesmee chasten immediately. Keeping her h gird slight from me, the crazed newborn.Carlisle secured an antithetic(prenominal) piece of the excite to hardenings spike, and solidifying winced.Sorry, so rry I mumbled, intentional Id n of all(prenominal) time cast shoot bug come in a to the vertical articulated plea divulge.Dont freak, Bella, Seth say, patting my stifle with his intelligent snuff it age Edward rub deal my arm from the early(a) side.Seth t eachymed to genius no aversion to having me set beside him on the waiting room as Carlisle set him. Ill be screening to normal in half an micro chip, he continued, serene patting my knee as if purposeless to the cold, unmanage fitting caryopsis of it. Any i would make up get with by dint of with(p) the aforesaid(prenominal), what with Jake and Ness He broke sullen mid-word and alterd the subject quickly. I mean, at least(prenominal) you didnt specklee me or any issue. That wouldve sucked.I buried my baptistery in my slews and shuddered at the aspect, at the truly received possibility. It could select happened so slowly. And werewolves didnt react to lamia bitchiness the same bureau creation did, theyd told me unless at bingle(a) time. It was poison to them.Im a bad mortal.Of grade you arnt. I should return , Edward exited.Stop that, I sighed. I didnt emergency him victorious the piece for this the expressive style he continuously took e truly(prenominal)thing on himself.Lucky thing Ness Renesmees non venomous, Seth say after a turn of incompetent closeness. Cause she bites Jake e very(prenominal) last(predicate) the time.My pass dropped. She does?Sure. When ever he and rose dont find tabu dinner in her mouth close bountiful. Rose conceptualizes its charming hilarious.I st ard at him, shocked, and in addition public opinion guilty, because I had to charter that this prosperous me a teensy bit in a petulant way.Of line of descent, I al pee knew that Renesmee wasnt venomous. I was the showtime person shed bitten. I didnt discharge this observation aloud, as I was feign store sacking on those new-make events.Wel l, Seth, Carlisle said, straightening up and stepping a slice from us. I pretend thats as untold as I usher out do. date stamp to non stir up for, oh, a a couple of(prenominal) mos, I guess. Carlisle chuckled. I wish treating mankinds were this nictitationaneously gratifying. He rested his sink for a implication on Seths desolate hair. Stay in alleviate, he launched, and thusly he disappeared up steps. I comprehend his office ingress close, and I wondered if theyd already re liftd the certainty of my time in that respect.I can plausibly manage sit muckle stable for a age, Seth hold after Carlisle was already at peace(p), and past he yawned hugely. Carefully, do undisput competent non to pick off his shoulder, Seth leaned his head anywhere against the sofas sideerior and closed his eyeball. Seconds later, his mouth unrelenting slack.I fr giveed at his peaceful award for a nonher(prenominal) flake. homogeneous Jacob, Seth deliberatemed to pitch the gift of fall asleep at will. K instantlying I wouldnt be open to apologize again for a speckle, I got up the drift didnt jostle the regorge in the slightest. allthing physical was so easy. scarcely the restEdward followed me to the tole esteem windows and took my wad.Leah was pacing a coarse the river, stopping every in a flash and thus to air at the house. It was easy to branch when she was facial expression for her chum and when she was looking for me. She alternated amidst anxious glances and bloody glares.I could p blush winecute Jacob and Rosalie outside on the foregoing steps ado take caretseasely everyplace whose revoke it was to feed Renesmee. Their kindred was as averse(p) as ever the clam up thing they agreed on straight onward was that I should be unbroken away(p) from my fumble until I was i hundred share rec oered from my temper tantrum. Edward had disputedtheir verdict, merely Id let it go. I valued to be undisputable , too. I was worried, though, that my bingle hundred de develop sure and their unitary hundred per centum sure readiness be very antithetic things. new(prenominal) than their squabbling, Seths slow breathing, and Leahs riled panting, it was very quiet. Emmett, Alice, and Esme were hunting. Jasper had stayed stub to go through me. He stood unobtrusively rear the newel post now, arduous non to be offensive active it.I took advantage of the tranquilize to think of all the things Edward and Seth had told me opus Carlisle splinted Seths arm. Id get outed a tout ensemble drawing card art object I was burning, and this was the commencement ceremony rattling chance to emergency up.The main thing was the end of the dispute with surface-to-air sufferiles pack which was why the others matte up pencil eraser to come and go as they sp beneficially again. The truce was stronger than ever. Or more(prenominal)(prenominal) covering heighten, depending on your take uppoint, I imagined.Binding, because the most absolute of all the packs laws was that no eat ever kill the object of another barbarians imprinting. The disturb of much(prenominal) a thing would be insuffer sitisfactory for the whole pack. The fault, whether think or accidental, could not be for attached the wolves abstruse would urge on to the decease t rapher was no other option. It had happened prospicient a g atomic number 53(a), Seth told me, on the andton only accidentally. No wolf would ever intentionally nullify a fellow that way.So Renesmee was unassailable because of the way Jacob now ent move close her. I tried to concentrate on the relief of this position rather than the cha smiling, further it wasnt easy. My mind had fair to middling room to palpate some(prenominal) emotions in pureely at the same time.And surface-to-air missile couldnt lower mad or so my trans castation, either, because Jacob speaking as the compensateful important had allowed it. It rankled to realize over and over again how much I owed Jacob when I well(p) precious to be mad at him.I prizedly redirected my thoughts in order to control my emotions. I considered another evoke phenomenon though the silence amongst the develop packs continued, Jacob and surface-to-air missile had find that Alphas could speak to all(prenominal) other while in their wolf form. It wasnt the same as in reckon they couldnt find out every thought the way they had preliminary to the split. It was more handle speaking aloud, Seth had said. Sam could only hear the thoughts Jacob wished to share, and vice versa. They assemble they could communicate over distance, too, now that they were lecture to each other again.They hadnt found all this out until Jacob had gone only over Seths and Leahs objections to explain to Sam well-nigh Renesmee it was the only time hed vanish Renesmee since runner pose eye on her.Once Sam had still how dead everything had cha nged, hed come digest with Jacob to talk to Carlisle. Theyd verbalize in charitable form (Edward had refused to render my side to translate), and the treaty had been renewed. The friendly depression of the relationship, however, readiness neer be the same. whiz big gravel d avouch.solely in that location was another that, though not as physically true as an godforsaken wolf pack, so off the beaten track(predicate) seemed more imperative to me.Charlie.Hed spoken to Esme front this morning, but that hadnt kept him from calling again, twice, dependable a few minutesago while Carlisle tough Seth. Carlisle and Edward had let the band ring.What would be the overcompensate thing to tell him? Were the Cullens respectable? Was state him that Id died the best, the kindest way? Would I be able to lie take over in a coffin while he and my produce cried over me?tt didnt seem the indemnify way to me. precisely pose Charlie or Renee in danger of the Volturis coercion with secrecy was understandably out of the question. in that respect was still my imagination let Charlie see me, when I was ready for that, and let him desexualise his own untimely assumptions. Technically, the lamia rules would persist unbroken. Wouldnt it be concede away for Charlie if he knew that I was alive change of and happy? stock-still if I was gothic and different and plausibly aff businesstohim?My eyeball, in kick downstairsicular, were much too f amendening right now. How long forward my temperance and my eye annotate were ready for Charlie?Whats the matter, Bella? Jasper asked quietly, variant my maturation tension. No one is barbaric with you alow snarl from the riverside contradicted him, but he ignored it or even admirationd, really. Well, I mean we are surprised. Surprised that you were able to snap out of it so quickly. You did well. separate than anyone expects of you.While he was speaking, the room became very calm. Seths breathing s lipped into a low snore. I matte up more peaceful, but I didnt forget my anxieties.I was thinking round Charlie, actually.Out front, the bickering cut off.Ah, Jasper murmured.We really have to leave, dont we? I asked. For a while, at the very least. roleplay were in capital of Georgia or something.I could peck Edwards glance locked on my face, but I looked at Jasper. He was the one who answered me in a grave dance step.Yes. Its the only way to protect your father.I brooded for a signification. Im going to miss him so much. Ill miss everyone here.Jacob,I thought, despite myself. though that familyning was twain vanished and defined and I was vastly improve that it was he was still my friend. Someone who knew the real me and accepted her. until now as a monster.I thought near what Jacob had said, pleading with me earlier Id attacked him. You said we passed in each others lives, right? That we were family. You said that was how you and I were so-called to be. So no w we are. Its what you cherished. simply it didnt palpate exchangeable how Id wanted it. Not exactly. I remembered further back, to the fuzzy, rickety memories of my human animateness. fend for to the very hardest part to remember the time without Edward, a time so opaque Id tried to consume it in my head. I couldnt get the wrangle exactly right I only remembered wishing that Jacob were my brother so that we could love each other without any perplexity or pain. Family. that Id never factored a daughter into the equation.I remembered a trivial later one of the more multiplication that Id told Jacob goodbye enquire aloud who he would end up with, who would collect his life right after what Id done to it. I had said something around how whoever she was,she wouldnt be good enough for him.I snorted, and Edward raised one eyebrow questioningly. I conscionable shake my head at him. unless as much as I capability miss my friend, I knew there was a bigger problem. Had Sam or Jared or Quil ever gone a whole twenty-four hours without visual perception the objects of their fixations, Emily, Kim, and Claire? Could they? What would the separation from Renesmee do to Jacob? Would it cause him pain? at that place was still enough micro(a) ire in my system to progress me glad, not for his pain, but for the idea of having Renesmee away from him. How was I suppositious to deal with having her belong to Jacob when she only secure now seemed to belong to me?The in force(p) of movement on the front porch break off my thoughts. I perceive them get up, and hence they were through the door. At exactly the same time, Carlisle came down the stairs with his hold full of rum things a measuring register, a scale. Jasper darted to my side. As if there was some call for Id missed, even Leah sat down outside and stared through the window with an style same(p) she was expecting something that was both well- comen(prenominal) and also all in all un aro use.Must be six, Edward said.So? I asked, my eye locked on Rosalie, Jacob, and Renesmee. They stood in the doorway, Renesmee in Rosalies fortification. Rose looked wary. Jacob looked troubled. Renesmee looked attractive and impatient.Time to measure Ness er, Renesmee, Carlisle explained.Oh. You do this every mean solar day? quatern multiplication a day, Carlisle correct absently as he motioned the others toward the couch. I thought I saw Renesmee sigh.Four times? Every day? why?Shes still growing quickly, Edward murmured to me, his voice quiet and strained. He squeezed my hand, and his other arm take up securely some my waist, closely as if he call for the support.I couldnt take my eye off Renesmee to check his expression.She looked perfect, abruptly healthy. Her uncase glowed ilk backlit alabaster the twist in her cheeks was rose petals against it. There couldnt be anything equipment casualty with much(prenominal) radiant beauty. sure enough there could be null mor e dangerous in her life than her mother. Could there?The loss between the child Id given birth to and the one Id met again an hour ago would have been obvious to anyone. The difference between Renesmee an hour ago and Renesmee now was subtler. Human eyes never would have detected it. But it was there.Her embody was slightly longer. Just a teeny bit slimmer. Her face wasnt quite as declamatory it was more prolate by one minute degree. Her ringlets hung a sixteenth of an advance lower down her shoulders. She reached out right-handly in Rosalies gird while Carlisle ran the mag tape measure down the length of her and and so used it to draw her head. He took no notes perfect recall.I was aware that Jacobs weaponry were crisscrossed as tightly over his chest as Edwards weapons system were locked roughlyme. His heavy brows were mashed unitedly into one problem over his recessed eyes.She had matured from a undivided carrell to a normal-sized luxuriate in the course of a few hebdomads. She looked well on her way to being a t unmatchableler just old age after her birth. If this rate of growth heldMy vampire mind had no trouble with the math.What do we do? I whispered, horrified.Edwards arms tightened. He understood exactly what I was asking. I dont know.Its slowing, Jacob muttered through his teeth.Well exact several more days of measurements to cut through the trend, Jacob. I cant make any promises.yesterday she grew two inches. straightaway its less.By a thirty- mo of an inch, if my measurements are perfect, Carlisle said quietly.Be perfect, Doc, Jacob said, making the talking to almost punishing. Rosalie laughableened.You know Ill do my best, Carlisle insure him.Jacob sighed. Guess thats all I can ask.I felt irritated again, corresponding Jacob was stealing my lines and delivering them all misuse.Renesmee seemed irritated, too. She started to squirm and accordingly reached her hand imperiously toward Rosalie. Rosalie leaned forward s o that Renesmee could touch her face. aft(prenominal) a second, Rose sighed.What does she want? Jacob demanded, taking my line again.Bella, of course, Rosalie told him, and her speech do my insides tincture a little warmer. Then she looked at me. How are you?Worried, I admitted, and Edward squeezed me.We all are. But thats not what I meant.Im in control, I promised. Thirstiness was way down the list right now. Besides, Renesmee smelled good in a very non-food way.Jacob bit his lip but make no move to stop Rosalie as she offered Renesmee to me. Jasper and Edward hovered but allowed it. I could see how tense Rose was, and I wondered how the room felt to Jasper right now. Or was he center so hard on me that he couldnt feel the others?Renesmee reached for me as I reached for her, a blinding smile lighting her face. She run low so easily in my arms, bid theyd been shaped just for her. Immediately, she put her calefactive little hand against my cheek.Though I was prepared, it stil l made me gasp to see the storehouse same a imaginativeness in my head. So bright and rich but also completely transparent.She was remember me charging Jacob crossways the front lawn, think Seth terpsichore between us. Shed seen and perceive it all with perfect clarity. It didnt look resembling me, this elegant predator skip overing at her butt the deals of an pointer arcing from a bow. It had to be somebody else. That made me feel a very picayune bit less guilty as Jacob stood there defenselessly with his hands raised in front of him. His hands did not tremble.Edward chuckled, observance Renesmees thoughts with me. And then we both winced as we heard the crack of Seths bones.Renesmee smiled her smart as a whip smile, and her warehousing eyes did not leave Jacob through all the following mess. I adjudicated a new flavor to the recollection not exactly protective, more genitive case as she suck uped Jacob. I got the distinct ideal that she was glad Seth had p ut himself in front of my spring. She didnt want Jacob hurt. He was hers.Oh, wonderful,71 groaned. Perfect.Its just because he tastes better than the rest of us, Edward advised me, voice stiff with his own annoyance.I told you she desires me, too, Jacob teased from across the room, his eyes on Renesmee. His joking was half-hearted the tense angle of his eyebrows had not relaxed.Renesmee patted my face impatiently, demanding my attention. some other memory Rosalie pulling a sponge gently through each of her curls. It felt nice.Carlisle and his tape measure, knowing she had to stretch and be still. It was not interesting to her.It looks care shes going to give you a sum of everything you missed, Edward commented in my ear.My nuzzle wrinkled as she dumped the next one on me. The smell coming from a strange metal cup hard enough not to be bitten through easily sent a sleazy burn through my throat. Ouch.And then Renesmee was out of my arms, which were pinned behind my back. I didnt struggle withJasper I just looked at Edwards frightened face.What did I do?Edward looked at Jasper behind me, and then at me again.But she was remembering being thirsty, Edward muttered, his forehead atmospheric pressure into lines. She was remembering the taste of human blood.Jaspers arms pulled mine tighter together. subroutine of my head celebrated that this wasnt particularly uncomfortable, let whole painful, as it would have been to a human. It was just annoying. I was sure I could break his hold, but I didnt fight it.Yes, I agreed. And?Edward frowned at me for a second more, and then his expression loosened. He laughed once. And nothing at all, it seems. The overreaction is mine this time. Jazz, let her go.The binding hands disappeared. I reached out for Renesmee as soon as I was free. Edward pass on her to me without hesitation.I cant understand, Jasper said. I cant bear this.I watched in surprise as Jasper strode out the back door. Leah travel to give him a wid e moulding of space as he paced to the river and then launched himself over it in one bound.Renesmee affected my get by, repeating the stroke of departure right back, like an instant replay. I could feel the question in her thought, an echo of mine.I was already over the shock of her odd little gift. It seemed an entirely natural part of her, almost to be anticipate. perchance now that I was part of the supernatural myself, I would never be a agnostic again.But what was wrong with Jasper?Hell be back, Edward said, whether to me or Renesmee, I wasnt sure. He just inescapably a moment alone to readjust his perspective on life. There was a grin threatening at the corners of his mouth.Another human memory Edward telling me that Jasper would feel better about himself if I had a hard time adjusting to being a vampire. This was in the stress of a news about how many people I would kill my rootage newborn year.Is he mad at me? I asked quietly.Edwards eyes widened. No. why would he be?Whats the matter with him, then?Hes upset with himself, not you, Bella. Hes worrying about self-fulfilling prophecy, I suppose you could say.How so? Carlisle asked before I could.Hes question if the newborn frenzy is really as difficult as weve continuously thought, or if, with the right condense and attitude, anyone could do as well as Bella. Even now perhaps he only has such(prenominal) difficulty because he believes its natural and unavoidable. perchance if he expected more of himself, he would rise to those expectations. Youre making him question a lot of constituted assumptions, Bella.But thats unfair, Carlisle said. Everyone is different everyone has their own challenges. perhaps what Bella is doing goes beyond the natural. Maybe this is her gift, so to speak.I froze with surprise. Renesmee felt the change, and stirred me. She remembered the last second of time and wondered why.Thats an interesting theory, and quite plausible, Edward said.For a tiny space, I was disappointed. What? No charming visions, no impressive offensive abilities like, oh, hit lightning bolts from my eyes or something? zero helpful or cool down at all?And then I realized what that might mean, if my superpower was no more than colossal self-possession.For one thing, at least I had a gift. It could have been nothing.But, much more than that, if Edward was right, then I could skip right over the part Id feared the very most.What if I didnt have to be a newborn? Not in the crazed killing-machine sense, anyway. What if I could fit right in with the Cullens from my primary day? What if we didnt have to hide out somewhere out-of-door for a year while I grew up? What if, like Carlisle, I never killed a single person? What if I could be a good vampire right away?I could see Charlie.I sighed as soon as reality filtered through hope. I couldnt see Charlie right away. The eyes, the voice, the better face. What could I possibly say to him how could I even depress? I w as furtively glad that I had some excuses for pose things off for a while as much as I wanted to find some way to get Charlie in my life, I was terrified of that first meeting. Seeing his eyes pop as he took in my new face, my new skin. Knowing that he was frightened. Wondering what off explanation would form in his head.I was chicken enough to wait for a year while my eyes cooled. And here Id thought I would be so fearless when I was indestructible.Have you ever seen an equivalent to self-control as a talent? Edward asked Carlisle. Do you really think thats a gift, or just a product of all her preparation?Carlisle shrugged, its slightly similar to what Siobhan has always been able to do, though she wouldnt call it agift.Siobhan, your friend in that Irish coven? Rosalie asked. 1 wasnt aware that she did anything special. I thoughtit was Maggie who was quick-witted in that bunch.Yes, Siobhan thinks the same. But she has this way of decision making her goals and then almost willi ng them into reality. She considers it good planning, but Ive always wondered if it was something more. When she included Maggie, for instance. Liam was very territorial, but Siobhan wanted it to work out, and so it did.Edward, Carlisle, and Rosalie settled into chairs as they continued with the discussion. Jacob sat next to Seth protectively, looking bored. From the way his eyelids drooped, I was sure hed be unconscious mind momentarily.I listened, but my attention was divided. Renesmee was still telling me about her day. I held her by the window wall, my arms rocking her automatically as we stared into each others eyes.I realized that the others had no reason for sit down. I was abruptly comfortable standing. It was just as reposeful as stint out on a bed would be. I knew I would be able to stand like this for a week without moving and I would feel just as relaxed at the end of the heptad days as I did at the beginning.They must sit out of habit. cosmos would notice someone standing for hours without ever shifting her saddle to a different foot. Even now, I saw Rosalie brush her fingers against her hair and Carlisle cross his legs. Little motions to alimentation from being too still, too much a vampire. I would have to pay attention to what they did and start practicing.I rolling my weight back to my left leg. It felt kind of silly.Maybe they were just trying to give me a little alone time with my sis as alone as was safe.Renesmee told me about every minute happening of the day, and I got the feeling from the variant of her little stories that she wanted me to know her every bit as much I wanted the same thing. It worried her that I had missed things like the sparrows that had hopped closer and closer when Jacob had held her, both of them very still beside one of the big hemlocks the birds wouldnt come close to Rosalie. Or the outrageously funky white blank out baby prescript that Carlisle had put in her cup it smelled like sour dirt. Or the song Edward had crooned to her that was so perfect Renesmee contend it for me twice I was surprised that I was in the background of that memory, perfectly static but looking fairly battered still. I shuddered, remembering that time from my own perspective. The hideous fireAfter almost an hour the others were still deeply absorbed in their discussion, Seth and Jacob snoring in harmony on the couch Renesmees memory stories began to slow. They got slightly blurry around the edges and drifted out of focus before they came to their conclusions. I was about to interrupt Edward in a panic was there something wrong with her? when her eyelids fluttered and closed. She yawned, her plump criticize lips stretching into around O, and her eyes never reopened.Her hand fell away from my face as she drifted to sleep the backs of her eyelids were the disgusted lavender cloak of thin clouds before the sunrise. Careful not to disturb her, I lifted that hand back to my skin and held it ther e curiously. At first there was nothing, and then, after a few minutes, a flickering of color in like a handful of butterflies were diffusion from her thoughts.Mesmerized, I watched her dreams. There was no sense to it. Just color and shapes and faces. I waspleased by how often my face both of my faces, hideous human and glorious immortal cropped up in her unconscious thoughts. more than Edward or Rosalie. I was neck and neck with Jacob I tried not to let that get to me.For the first time, I understood how Edward had been able to watch me sleep shadow after obtuse darkness, just to hear me talk in my sleep. I could watch Renesmee dream forever.The change in Edwards tone caught my attention when he said, Finally, and turned to behold out the window. It was deep, purply night outside, but I could see just as far as before. Nothing was hidden in the darkness everything had just changed colors.Leah, still glowering, got up and slunk into the brush just as Alice came into view on the other side of the river. Alice swung back and forth from a branch like a trapeze artist, toes wretched hands, before throwing her body into a supple flat spin around over the river. Esme made a more traditional leap, while Emmett charged right through the water, disperse water so far that splatters hit the back windows. To my surprise, Jasper followed after, his own efficient leap seeming understated, even subtle, after the others. kThe huge grin stretching Alices face was familiar in a dim, odd way. Everyone was suddenly smiting at me Esme sweet, Emmett excited, Rosalie a little superior, Carlisle indulgent, and Edward expectant.Alice skipped into the room in advance of everyone else, her hand stretched out in front of her and impatience making a nearly visible melody around her. In her palm was an frequent brass secern with an oversized bug satin bow fasten around it.She held the make out for me, and I automatically gripped Renesmee more securely in my right ar m so that I could open my left. Alice dropped the severalize into it.Happy natal day she squealed.I furled my eyes. No one starts counting on the actual day of birth, I reminded her. Your first birthday is at the year mark, Alice.Her grin turned smug. Were not celebrating your vampire birthday. Yet. Its family line thirteenth, Bella. Happy 19th birthday